May The Force Be With You – Part Thirteen

What a Mess 

A Hollywood film of the eighties made the abbreviation TGIF famous, and it was adopted by Special Branch officers (who may well have invented it in the first place). 

TGIF means, of course, Thank God it’s Friday and it was common in many sections, unless they were operational, to close down at 1600 hours (4:00 p.m.) on Fridays to have a drink. Very often this ‘drink’ went on until the late evening and as it was necessary to close up and lock up secure areas, many officers and civilians then proceeded to the 20th Floor Inspectorate Officer’s Mess in May House, Police Headquarters, to continue their celebration of the coming weekend. 

Many a happy gathering has taken place in this mess, and the particular evening in question was no exception. The partying went on unabated until late in the evening and it was then that one of the ladies had to use the toilet. 

Moira, as we will call her, was a big lady. At the risk of being impolite, it is safe to say that she was a very big lady. Moira went into one of the cubicles in the ladies’ room to answer a call of nature and it was when she finished that things went wrong. As she was trying to unlock the door of the cubicle the handle and lock came off in her hand. She was trapped. Moira tried calling for help but the party in the mess was in full and noisy swing, no one could hear her. 

She decided, in her befuddled state, to climb over the top of the cubicle wall. Now, only anyone with actual knowledge of just how big Moira was would know what a suicidal attempt this was, and that it was doomed to failure. Moira climbed up onto the toilet seat and from there onto the top of the cistern, which promptly broke away from the wall, depositing itself and Moira on the floor of the cubicle. This horrendous crash was heard by the officers in the mess who rushed in to find out what had happened. 

One such officer came to the fore and asked Moira through the door if she was all right. The poor lady, already tired and emotional (remember, people attached to the Police do not get drunk) and now stunned by her fall, could only just get to her hands and knees and mumble incoherently. 

It was at that point, fearing the worst that the officer kicked in the door, which caught Moira full in the face. 

She was taken to emergency in a taxi (calling an ambulance might have caused embarrassment) suffering from a sprained ankle, lacerations (caused by the broken ceramic cistern) and concussion from the blow to the head. 

I am told that the party continued without her. 

Copyright John Stewart Sloan – 2007 – Not for Publication

Published by stewartgoeswalkies

Happily married man to a wonderful lady. Living in Hong Kong. In my younger days I enjoyed hiking, camping and rock climbing. I've trekked in the Himalayas and climbed Mt. Kinabalu in East Malaysia.

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